what is it you want?

It bothers more than a bit this hello-goodbye game you started to play. Since that one night we talked too much things have got weird. Well, as if everything about us wasn't weird enough. It bothers me more than a bit the fact you don't even seem to care. Maybe I was right on my first thoughts about you. But why did you make me think I was not? It bothers me more than a bit I'm still too naive to play this game with you. And I think it's the kind of game I prefer not learning how to play. Even if I got the best coach.

♫♪ Are you having your fun? ♫♪

i took the wrong road

I catched myself thinking about why we still don't have a song for us. It's kinda weird because I have a song for each person in my life. Or so. My first thought about it was that maybe I turned out to be just tired of this romantic way to see life. But it's not that. Well, yeah I'm tired of this bullshit but it's not the reason why we don't have a song. I think it's because I never took us seriously until I realized it was too late. I always thought it, us, won't last that much. I bet you also thought that. I never minded to pick up us a song because it seemed to be a silly thing to do for someone who was not that important. Then we made it looks important. Big big mistake. We shouldn't. We ruined everything. We just ruined our lives. How come we didn't realize it before it was too late? What are we gonna do to fix this? We let it last long enough to be so late to turn back. We built a bridge on the wrong river and now we see ourselves forced to cross it. Please, don't mind if I just jump into the river. It seems to be the only right thing to do. 

♫♪ With the wrong moon, every wrong night ♫♪

sometimes i get overcharged

I thought it would take a couple of days more until we get to this point. Silly me, I guess. I should know. Yes, I should know from the beginning. In fact, I should have kept in mind my Joely-complex. It's always for a kiss, it's always for a smile. It's always a little painful. A little less each time. Will there be a day it won't gonna hurt anymore? I hope so. Maybe I should be more like Clem. In fact, I should have kept locked my Joely-complex.

♪♫ Idiot, slow down, slow down ♪♫

i was never faithful and i was never one to trust

You weren't the first one. Before you there was him and before him there was my favorite one and before him there was the first one. I truly once believed that after the first one there wouldn't be no one else. His eyes almost made me stay. It took me a while to get back to the normal days. Then I was surprised by the delightful touch of the next one. He quickly became the only one I would ever wanted, even if it would be like that: time to time. And everything was under control till that night the Cheshire Cat showed up. As Alice I was took to Wonderland but I knew I should come back. So you came and dragged me into my madness. I couldn't have anything under any control anymore. Maybe I never wanted things being controlled, maybe I was just waiting for the breakdown of sanity. You know there was the one after you. And now there's the one that will replace you.

♪♫ I was never loyal, except to my own pleasure zone ♪♫

you can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth

I decided to get back to writing because I realized that feelings had not left me as I once thought they had. That one night under the Cheshire Cat Smile made me feel that there was still warm blood in my veins. But then there was you. At first you came as the one who would make my blood warmer. You made my heart burn. And so you burnt it. My heart exploded in a million pieces. I managed to save some parts of it. But from now on I have to bury these precious pieces in a jar and keep you away from us. 

♪♫ The more you change the less you feel ♪♫

i was happy in the haze of a drunken hour

At this very moment I'm drunk as fuck. I've been thinking of you a lot these days. I think of you even when I'm with him. With the other him. With anyone else. I miss you. I miss your kiss more than anything. I wish I could say that I love you but this would be a lie. I only love your kiss. I could die while kissing you and that would be a wonderful death. Please, don't take this words seriously. I'm drunk. Or worse than that, I'm in love. 

♪♫ But heaven knows I'm miserable now ♪♫

will you let the fire die down soon?

I'm about to use my strongest song with you. The very moment I left that room I understood I shouldn't have left your bed. He is gentle and kind, but it's your hands I like the most. His arms are stronger but not so strong as your look deep down to my eyes when you're over me. You spoiled me with all that kissing game and it really upsets me that he definitely can't act the same. He talks too much; you are a good listener. I'm scared to death that you will never let me in again. You should know I only love him because you can't love me. If you could, I would be tied up to your bed forever. I would never leave your room.

♪♫ [Or will I always be here?] ♪♫

i know there's a place you walked

What happened to you? Where did that cool person go? When did you change that much? Who are you now? Above all this questions: how do you still have the guts to say you're back? Someone else is here, but you... you have gone forever, I guess.

♪♫ My heart is like a broken cup ♪♫

my head is turning

I

definitely

shouldn't

be

missing wanting

you.

 

♫♪ I want you now ♫♪ 

oh it was sweet, it was wild

I

definitely

shouldn't

be

missing

you.

[I'm trying to use these words as a mantra]

♪♫ Oh, just one more and I'll walk away ♪♫

i woke up sucking a lemon

Don't you ever dare being kind to me. You know I hate people playing kind. I need blood cutting words to keep all the things in the right place. Don't you ever dare being nice to me. You know I hate people playing nice. I need harmful actions to keep all my feelings in the right place. Don't you ever dare being gentle to me. You know I hate people playing gentle. I need violent movements to keep all the desire in the right place. Don't you ever dare being anything but you to me. You know I hate people who are not you. I need you to keep me in the right place.

♪ ♫ What was that you tried to say? ♪ ♫

there's a gap where we meet

I miss those younger and wilder days when you used to arrive home drunk as fuck and call me in the middle of the night. I miss those long conversations about trying to be healthier, but how delicious alcohol used to taste. I miss your careless way to talk about deep feelings making them seem just like playful things. I miss that time you used to like me. I miss loving you. What did we miss in the meantime?

♪ ♫ And I'm sorry for us ♪ ♫

the only true friend I call mine

I don't think you can even imagine how happy I am now that you are back into my life. You know I'm not the kind of happy person, but our long talks through the night bring me that warmness on the heart. It's kinda like I'm back to the only place I could ever belong. You always have the perfect words to describe anything, including me. I think you're absolutely right when you say that we are not the type of people who can handle a sepia world. We do need colors. And our color is blue.

♪ ♫ And I thank you for bringing me here, for showing me home ♪ ♫

what were you wanting?

Not sure if I should be missing our meetings. They've caused a mess we weren't prepared to face off. Yet I miss them. Not sure if I should be talking to you about all this. You've caused me a mess that I need to face off. Yet I don't know how to fight it. Pretty sure you don't even miss anything at all. It's caused you a mess you don't want to face off. Yet I miss you.

 ♪ ♫ What was that you wanted? ♪ ♫

the key

It's been three months since I first saw you. By that time we couldn't imagine that by letting you in I would let me out. By this time I wonder if it was a good thing or if we just opened the gates of my hell. I'm telling you that I can't put my desire on a lash anymore. Shame on you for not being here to see your masterpiece. It's been three months since I last saw you.

 ♪ ♫ To a healthy heart beat ♪ ♫

sweet sister

It's been awhile since the last time I laughed of myself. Talking to you was exactly like putting a mirror in front of me. It made me laugh. You made me smile again. If we weren't that desperate we would never come to each other. There's a popular saying about laugh and despair and we've just turned it upside down. And he will never know he is nothing else but our reward for doing that.

♪ ♫ You heal me ♪ ♫

it started out with a kiss

It was supposed to be just a warm night filled with beers and laughs. But we were full of too many other things that should be pulled out. And we've made it. Halfway. Suddenly we turned the laughs into smiles. It was fateful. The beers weren't cold enough to lower the heat of our souls. I tried to kill the fire in your eyes with my mouth. Burnt my tongue.

♪ ♫ How did it end up like this? ♪ ♫

now that you've found it, it's gone

Naked. Wet hair wrapped in a yellow towel. Trimming nails. A waiting. We both know it won't come. Still I wait. Maybe I'll have to wait for twelve years like once you did. Nails trimmed. Hair done. Still naked. Waiting the love that could dress my soul.

♪ ♫ Now that you feel it, you don't ♪ ♫

i'll be your lover

Sitting here with a beer and the bruises I've got from our latest afternoon. Thinking of how much I still have to lose before I get completely lost. Writing and erasing every three words. Never thought I would ever be that close to crawl because of you. But you won't see me doing that: I'll blindfold you with my legs.

♪ ♫ I'll be your ether you'll breathe me in ♪ ♫

special dreams

There was that time when I was too young. We were too young, even though our ID cards allowed us to drink. Remember all those long conversations about dreams and stuff? We were pretty good at understanding each other. Sometimes I catch myself still trying to figure out where we've messed things up. For some reason, I blame you for everything that gone wrong. But I know it was my fault too. I was too young to understand that you were too young.

♪ ♫ I guess I thought you had the flavour ♪ ♫