i was happy in the haze of a drunken hour

At this very moment I'm drunk as fuck. I've been thinking of you a lot these days. I think of you even when I'm with him. With the other him. With anyone else. I miss you. I miss your kiss more than anything. I wish I could say that I love you but this would be a lie. I only love your kiss. I could die while kissing you and that would be a wonderful death. Please, don't take this words seriously. I'm drunk. Or worse than that, I'm in love. 

♪♫ But heaven knows I'm miserable now ♪♫

will you let the fire die down soon?

I'm about to use my strongest song with you. The very moment I left that room I understood I shouldn't have left your bed. He is gentle and kind, but it's your hands I like the most. His arms are stronger but not so strong as your look deep down to my eyes when you're over me. You spoiled me with all that kissing game and it really upsets me that he definitely can't act the same. He talks too much; you are a good listener. I'm scared to death that you will never let me in again. You should know I only love him because you can't love me. If you could, I would be tied up to your bed forever. I would never leave your room.

♪♫ [Or will I always be here?] ♪♫

i know there's a place you walked

What happened to you? Where did that cool person go? When did you change that much? Who are you now? Above all this questions: how do you still have the guts to say you're back? Someone else is here, but you... you have gone forever, I guess.

♪♫ My heart is like a broken cup ♪♫

my head is turning

I

definitely

shouldn't

be

missing wanting

you.

 

♫♪ I want you now ♫♪ 

oh it was sweet, it was wild

I

definitely

shouldn't

be

missing

you.

[I'm trying to use these words as a mantra]

♪♫ Oh, just one more and I'll walk away ♪♫

i woke up sucking a lemon

Don't you ever dare being kind to me. You know I hate people playing kind. I need blood cutting words to keep all the things in the right place. Don't you ever dare being nice to me. You know I hate people playing nice. I need harmful actions to keep all my feelings in the right place. Don't you ever dare being gentle to me. You know I hate people playing gentle. I need violent movements to keep all the desire in the right place. Don't you ever dare being anything but you to me. You know I hate people who are not you. I need you to keep me in the right place.

♪ ♫ What was that you tried to say? ♪ ♫

there's a gap where we meet

I miss those younger and wilder days when you used to arrive home drunk as fuck and call me in the middle of the night. I miss those long conversations about trying to be healthier, but how delicious alcohol used to taste. I miss your careless way to talk about deep feelings making them seem just like playful things. I miss that time you used to like me. I miss loving you. What did we miss in the meantime?

♪ ♫ And I'm sorry for us ♪ ♫

the only true friend I call mine

I don't think you can even imagine how happy I am now that you are back into my life. You know I'm not the kind of happy person, but our long talks through the night bring me that warmness on the heart. It's kinda like I'm back to the only place I could ever belong. You always have the perfect words to describe anything, including me. I think you're absolutely right when you say that we are not the type of people who can handle a sepia world. We do need colors. And our color is blue.

♪ ♫ And I thank you for bringing me here, for showing me home ♪ ♫

what were you wanting?

Not sure if I should be missing our meetings. They've caused a mess we weren't prepared to face off. Yet I miss them. Not sure if I should be talking to you about all this. You've caused me a mess that I need to face off. Yet I don't know how to fight it. Pretty sure you don't even miss anything at all. It's caused you a mess you don't want to face off. Yet I miss you.

 ♪ ♫ What was that you wanted? ♪ ♫

the key

It's been three months since I first saw you. By that time we couldn't imagine that by letting you in I would let me out. By this time I wonder if it was a good thing or if we just opened the gates of my hell. I'm telling you that I can't put my desire on a lash anymore. Shame on you for not being here to see your masterpiece. It's been three months since I last saw you.

 ♪ ♫ To a healthy heart beat ♪ ♫

sweet sister

It's been awhile since the last time I laughed of myself. Talking to you was exactly like putting a mirror in front of me. It made me laugh. You made me smile again. If we weren't that desperate we would never come to each other. There's a popular saying about laugh and despair and we've just turned it upside down. And he will never know he is nothing else but our reward for doing that.

♪ ♫ You heal me ♪ ♫

it started out with a kiss

It was supposed to be just a warm night filled with beers and laughs. But we were full of too many other things that should be pulled out. And we've made it. Halfway. Suddenly we turned the laughs into smiles. It was fateful. The beers weren't cold enough to lower the heat of our souls. I tried to kill the fire in your eyes with my mouth. Burnt my tongue.

♪ ♫ How did it end up like this? ♪ ♫

now that you've found it, it's gone

Naked. Wet hair wrapped in a yellow towel. Trimming nails. A waiting. We both know it won't come. Still I wait. Maybe I'll have to wait for twelve years like once you did. Nails trimmed. Hair done. Still naked. Waiting the love that could dress my soul.

♪ ♫ Now that you feel it, you don't ♪ ♫

i'll be your lover

Sitting here with a beer and the bruises I've got from our latest afternoon. Thinking of how much I still have to lose before I get completely lost. Writing and erasing every three words. Never thought I would ever be that close to crawl because of you. But you won't see me doing that: I'll blindfold you with my legs.

♪ ♫ I'll be your ether you'll breathe me in ♪ ♫

special dreams

There was that time when I was too young. We were too young, even though our ID cards allowed us to drink. Remember all those long conversations about dreams and stuff? We were pretty good at understanding each other. Sometimes I catch myself still trying to figure out where we've messed things up. For some reason, I blame you for everything that gone wrong. But I know it was my fault too. I was too young to understand that you were too young.

♪ ♫ I guess I thought you had the flavour ♪ ♫

it's in your reach

I've been telling myself that I don't like you that much for years, but I believe almost everybody knows it's not true. If they don't, then they are so damn blind as you are. Or maybe I'm just pretty good at lying. It can be both. I could even lie that I love you if you asked me to and you would believe it.

♪ ♫ Can you find me space inside your bleeding heart? ♪ ♫

come and find me

You said you were back in town for a while and wanted to see me. The lack of effort to drive to my house proved you were lying. It was not just about the beers, it was about fears. Next time don't be such a baby, don't make it about tears.

♪ ♫ I'll be waiting with a gun and a pack of sandwiches ♪ ♫

nothing

For a long time, I used to think I already had felt all the amount of feelings that was destinated to me. Just lived long enough to find out I was wrong. I don't know what to do right now about it but to write. But also I don't know what I'm feeling at all, so maybe I start to write about... nothing. Or, at least, nothing that makes any sense.

♪ ♫ What am I trying to do? What am I trying to say? ♪ ♫