what is it you want?

It bothers more than a bit this hello-goodbye game you started to play. Since that one night we talked too much things have got weird. Well, as if everything about us wasn't weird enough. It bothers me more than a bit the fact you don't even seem to care. Maybe I was right on my first thoughts about you. But why did you make me think I was not? It bothers me more than a bit I'm still too naive to play this game with you. And I think it's the kind of game I prefer not learning how to play. Even if I got the best coach.

♫♪ Are you having your fun? ♫♪

sometimes i get overcharged

I thought it would take a couple of days more until we get to this point. Silly me, I guess. I should know. Yes, I should know from the beginning. In fact, I should have kept in mind my Joely-complex. It's always for a kiss, it's always for a smile. It's always a little painful. A little less each time. Will there be a day it won't gonna hurt anymore? I hope so. Maybe I should be more like Clem. In fact, I should have kept locked my Joely-complex.

♪♫ Idiot, slow down, slow down ♪♫

i was never faithful and i was never one to trust

You weren't the first one. Before you there was him and before him there was my favorite one and before him there was the first one. I truly once believed that after the first one there wouldn't be no one else. His eyes almost made me stay. It took me a while to get back to the normal days. Then I was surprised by the delightful touch of the next one. He quickly became the only one I would ever wanted, even if it would be like that: time to time. And everything was under control till that night the Cheshire Cat showed up. As Alice I was took to Wonderland but I knew I should come back. So you came and dragged me into my madness. I couldn't have anything under any control anymore. Maybe I never wanted things being controlled, maybe I was just waiting for the breakdown of sanity. You know there was the one after you. And now there's the one that will replace you.

♪♫ I was never loyal, except to my own pleasure zone ♪♫

i was happy in the haze of a drunken hour

At this very moment I'm drunk as fuck. I've been thinking of you a lot these days. I think of you even when I'm with him. With the other him. With anyone else. I miss you. I miss your kiss more than anything. I wish I could say that I love you but this would be a lie. I only love your kiss. I could die while kissing you and that would be a wonderful death. Please, don't take this words seriously. I'm drunk. Or worse than that, I'm in love. 

♪♫ But heaven knows I'm miserable now ♪♫

will you let the fire die down soon?

I'm about to use my strongest song with you. The very moment I left that room I understood I shouldn't have left your bed. He is gentle and kind, but it's your hands I like the most. His arms are stronger but not so strong as your look deep down to my eyes when you're over me. You spoiled me with all that kissing game and it really upsets me that he definitely can't act the same. He talks too much; you are a good listener. I'm scared to death that you will never let me in again. You should know I only love him because you can't love me. If you could, I would be tied up to your bed forever. I would never leave your room.

♪♫ [Or will I always be here?] ♪♫

my head is turning

I

definitely

shouldn't

be

missing wanting

you.

 

♫♪ I want you now ♫♪ 

oh it was sweet, it was wild

I

definitely

shouldn't

be

missing

you.

[I'm trying to use these words as a mantra]

♪♫ Oh, just one more and I'll walk away ♪♫

i woke up sucking a lemon

Don't you ever dare being kind to me. You know I hate people playing kind. I need blood cutting words to keep all the things in the right place. Don't you ever dare being nice to me. You know I hate people playing nice. I need harmful actions to keep all my feelings in the right place. Don't you ever dare being gentle to me. You know I hate people playing gentle. I need violent movements to keep all the desire in the right place. Don't you ever dare being anything but you to me. You know I hate people who are not you. I need you to keep me in the right place.

♪ ♫ What was that you tried to say? ♪ ♫

there's a gap where we meet

I miss those younger and wilder days when you used to arrive home drunk as fuck and call me in the middle of the night. I miss those long conversations about trying to be healthier, but how delicious alcohol used to taste. I miss your careless way to talk about deep feelings making them seem just like playful things. I miss that time you used to like me. I miss loving you. What did we miss in the meantime?

♪ ♫ And I'm sorry for us ♪ ♫

the only true friend I call mine

I don't think you can even imagine how happy I am now that you are back into my life. You know I'm not the kind of happy person, but our long talks through the night bring me that warmness on the heart. It's kinda like I'm back to the only place I could ever belong. You always have the perfect words to describe anything, including me. I think you're absolutely right when you say that we are not the type of people who can handle a sepia world. We do need colors. And our color is blue.

♪ ♫ And I thank you for bringing me here, for showing me home ♪ ♫

now that you've found it, it's gone

Naked. Wet hair wrapped in a yellow towel. Trimming nails. A waiting. We both know it won't come. Still I wait. Maybe I'll have to wait for twelve years like once you did. Nails trimmed. Hair done. Still naked. Waiting the love that could dress my soul.

♪ ♫ Now that you feel it, you don't ♪ ♫

special dreams

There was that time when I was too young. We were too young, even though our ID cards allowed us to drink. Remember all those long conversations about dreams and stuff? We were pretty good at understanding each other. Sometimes I catch myself still trying to figure out where we've messed things up. For some reason, I blame you for everything that gone wrong. But I know it was my fault too. I was too young to understand that you were too young.

♪ ♫ I guess I thought you had the flavour ♪ ♫

it's in your reach

I've been telling myself that I don't like you that much for years, but I believe almost everybody knows it's not true. If they don't, then they are so damn blind as you are. Or maybe I'm just pretty good at lying. It can be both. I could even lie that I love you if you asked me to and you would believe it.

♪ ♫ Can you find me space inside your bleeding heart? ♪ ♫